Shadows

A shadow follows me. I see it slide across the walls of buildings, over tarred roads blistering in the noon day sun. And when rain comes, clouds clotting the sky, the shadow skitters across the surface of a puddle, and reappears, mocking me, in the scattered shards of a broken mirror.

In darkness the shadow disappears.

Once, in a dark room, I met a lover. He came from a masquerade, a domino of sequins and glitter masking his face. He pulled me, gently, into the darkness, and then I felt his hands, along my back, tracing my spine. I laughed, and pulled away his domino but - there was nothing there. No one there, just an empty suit of clothes, drifting in the wind, and a blue sequined domino in my hand...and then I heard laughter - dry, mocking laughter. But there was no one there.

There was no one there.

Once, there was the sound of wings flapping, a sudden, small breeze tugged at my hair, drifted across my face. But I saw nothing. Something fell into my lap, I felt for it - I felt the soft fringes of a feather. And then I heard a chuckle - the soft whisper of words - and I knew, there was a God with me in that room. A God with wings, and laughter, a God whose language, whose half-whispered words, I could not begin to understand. I heard this God, I felt this God, but I could not see him.

I saw nothing.

Once, I stood in an empty street. It was dark, at night, and a flickering street lamp scattered a twitching pool of shadows that danced across the empty street. A man stepped out of the shadows, towards me, the light outlining his dark, black form. He stood in front of me, shoulders hunched, tentative.

"Who are you?" I asked, suddenly afraid.

He moved towards me, and then I saw that he had no eyes, no nose, no features. He was just a shape, a vague man-shape. But he had lips, soft shadings of black on black - lips that moved in the darkness, dripping with soft words.

"I am you," he said, and then he reached towards me, with his shadowy hands.

I watched, stricken, as his hands disappeared into my chest. I felt a vague tugging, and then his hands emerged, gripping something. It was my heart, bleeding, in his hands. And even as I watched, those soft lips smiled, a horrible, sly smile, and he stuck my heart into his dark chest. And then, he began to walk away from me, towards the flickering, dancing light - and even as he moved, his form gained substance. The soft, grey lips turned red, the shadowy hands grew into firm, taunt fingers, and flesh wrapped itself across his shadowy form. Eyes appeared in his blank face - eyes, just like mine, over a nose, just like mine.

I looked down then, at my hands, which were fading. My clothes turned to smoke, my fingers and toes curled into shadows, my body blurred.

He laughed once, softly, and walked away - a man, fully formed, with eyes and skin and lips and fingers.

I am shadow now. I am darkness.

I spend the days and light following this man, this man who has stolen my heart, my shadow that has robbed me. I live a half-life now, merging with darkness, sliding across walls and floors, peeping out from glittering surfaces.

I hear nothing, I see nothing.

In darkness, shadows disappear.

I disappear.